Emotions are sometimes labeled as the problem, but emotions are never the problem. Emotions are meant to help lead you to your best life. Our interpretation of them is what gets us stuck. When we don’t know what our emotions are saying and how to resolve them, it can cause us to act or react in strange, unhelpful, hurtful, or self-sabotaging ways. When we practice understanding the message our emotions are trying to communicate to us for our own good, we will live a happier, more peaceful, and more fulfilling life.
Emotions are messengers. They are not good or bad. They give us information. If we are open to receiving the information an uncomfortable emotion is sending and resolving the issue, it will naturally and easily go away without a fuss.
One could say our emotions are much like our nervous system. No one who accidentally touches a hot stove gets upset at their hand hurting and blames their hand for burning. No one says, “I hate my hand; it is so weak; why could it not be strong? Why did it let the heat get to it? What kind of a wimpy hand would get a burn? I expect better!”
Someone might rightly blame the environment (the hot stove or the person who left it on without telling us) before blaming their hand for feeling hot. Their hand didn’t spontaneously burn; the burning was an uncomfortable feeling that helped them create change to no longer be hurt by their environment. By recognizing the stove is hot, they can then create solutions to carefully avoid that pain (or worse pain) in the moment and in the future. That is very helpful to know in order to stay healthy, even though the experience is not comfortable.
Uncomfortable emotions tell us that something is wrong and we have a need. Every uncomfortable emotion tells us that something needs to change either in our thinking OR our environment. If I feel sad, I am thankful to have that feeling! Why? Because it cares about me, wants me to be healthy, and it is telling me something can change to keep the sadness from sticking around longer.
The sadness may be telling me someone is mistreating me, and I need to change who I spend my time with or set better boundaries. Maybe the sadness is telling me I keep imagining a future of doom that is not realistic, and my thoughts need to change because those thoughts are hurtful to me and wasting my time and vitality. Maybe the sadness is telling me I lost something I value, and it is teaching me what I value and what I want to spend more time doing in the future. No matter what the message is, my emotions are sending the message to try to help me out. They want me to find a resolution, so they can stop spamming me with the same message.
It takes practice to learn the language of our emotions, interpret the message correctly and identify what needs to be understood or resolved. The good news is that, like any other language, the more you practice, the easier it gets.
I used to be completely overwhelmed by my emotions. There were so many messages coming, and I had no interpretation skills. I felt like listening to gibberish. It felt like not only did it not make sense, but the reactions I had to my emotions were constantly sabotaging my success. Now that I understand what emotions are for and how to interpret them, I am able to resolve most of my emotions as they are happening. I have become fluent, so to speak. If something upsets me, I resolve it. When I resolve it, the emotion stops spam messaging me, and I get to move on with my day.
The skill of understanding and resolving emotions doesn’t develop overnight any more than the skill of driving a car or learning a new language. Thankfully, like anything else, we learn more quickly if we are trained or supported by an expert. After all, it does no good to know that our uncomfortable emotions are telling us we need to set better boundaries if we don’t know how to do that. It doesn’t help to know that our work is causing our stress if we don’t know that stress can be reduced by recalibrating our thoughts, not taking work home with us, and improving our communication skills.
Everything takes longer, and it is harder when we have to figure things out on our own. That is where a life coach can come in and help you figure it out in a fraction of the time.
With practice and guidance, it can become second nature for you to resolve emotions as they show up! When that happens, you become more productive, focused, and confident and live in greater peace and happiness. After all, peace and happiness are messengers telling you that your thoughts and environment are on the right track!